THE GREEN EYED MARBLE                 by Robert T. Roe                503-998-2479

Logline: (comedy) “ A young man conquers extreme shyness when he saves his best friend from a sorceress.”

Borrowing from the style of director Blake Edwards, this comedy has its quirky characters.

Set in modern times, it’s the story of a young man’s quest to rid himself of his extreme shyness but has no clue where to begin. Sooner than he would have thought possible, a predicament arises that forces the issue.

Two duffel bags get mixed up.  One is filled with money and an out-of-order crystal ball while the other bag has copies of a new book written by our protagonist, twenty one year old ABEL BUTT.  Abel, the quintessential shy guy since the first grade, has continually hidden his face from the public.  Abel dreamed up his detective novel “The Green Eyed Marble” while enduring his infinite lonely nights at home in his room.  At first only JIM, his uncle and publisher, knows about the book. Due to his shyness, Abel invented the pen name ‘Howard English’, thus never planning to be in the public’s eye as himself.

The other bag belongs to CALLIE MAC, a young sorceress who peddles drugs “to winos and guys who hold up signs for money on street corners.”   Her bag was smuggled in from Europe and contained a full refund for the defective CRYSTAL BALL she had purchased from “Crystal Balls of Belgium.”   They returned the ball to her with the claim it had been repaired. Yet, right after her bag was inadvertently swapped with Abel’s bag of books, Callie Mac was seriously affected. Whenever Abel and his friend, FRANKLIN, tossed, juggled or threw the crystal ball, Callie Mac experienced similar movement having no control to stop it. She became psychotic to get that bag back.

BIGGIE, her over-the-hill assistant who, not purposely, lost her bag, wiggles out of trouble by claiming there was a conspiracy afoot.  As a result, Callie Mac begins to hunt down those who knew of her bag.  The first she “creatively tortures” for information is a small time dealer, SAILOR MAN.

After Abel discovers his bag of books has turned into a bag of money, he struggles with how it happened and what to do about it. He takes the question to his group therapy session with DOC BURNOCK, his life long shrink.  BETTY DAVIS, a cute girl chasing Abel since the first grade, has joined the group to be near Abel but offers no help since the group is focused on supporting a fellow attendee who wants a sex change. 

At home Abel asks his mother, NORMA, the question “should a person always do what is right?”  She goes off into deep thought unable to answer right away. Abel decides to take the money to the cops. Yet, when he walks in with his face shrouded with a mask and a bag full of money, they become suspicious.  Just as he’s being arrested his cell phone rings and his mother says, “ No, Abel, a person doesn’t always have to do what is right.”  Abel thanks her and hangs up as the cuffs go down on his wrist. Now he must call upon his boss, MAYOR RAMBO, for help.  The mayor had befriended Abel when Abel’s accomplishments for the city had won him an award.  They bonded over the atrocities of their last names, Rambo and Butt.  The Mayor, to make Abel feel at home, had adorned a mask when they met.

Meanwhile, Callie Mac’s creative torture of Sailor Man leads her to RUPERT CATFISH. Callie Mac has hung Rupert upside down all night trying to tickle the truth out of him. Rupert, who classifies himself as a non-thinker begins to reason with Callie Mac about the books that were in the incorrect bag.  Might they be a clue to who has your bag?  He tricks her into letting him down with, “I think better with blood in my toes”.  Finally they go out after the books’ author, Howard English.  Since the ‘pen’ name is not in the phone book this leads them to kidnap Abel’s Uncle Jim, the book’s publisher.

Earlier, Mayor Rambo counsels Abel, that someday a higher cause built around helping others might aid him to escape his mask. While pretending to be Howard English for Abel at the book signing, that someday arrives.  When Callie Mac and her entourage kidnap Franklin, Abel finds that moment.  He has to put aside his mask and pretend to be FBI in order to get the bag of money back from the cops.  Then comes the funniest bag exchange ever as Abel becomes the hero of the day, finds love, and escapes his mask forever.